George Bush Answering Questions

President Bush went to a school to interact with the children. After having one brief talk with the children he asked them if they had any question to ask him. One boy raised his hand and stood up.

Bush: Whats your name?
John: John
Bush: Whats your question?
John: Sir, I have three questions.

1. Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2. Where is Osama?
3. Why does America support Pakistan so much?

Bush: You are an intelligent student john...

Just then the bell for recess rang.

Bush: Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.

After the recess.

Bush: Ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any questions?

Peter raises his hand.

Bush: Whats your name?
Peter: Sir I have 5 questions.

1. Why did America attack Iraq without the approval of UNO?
2. Where is Osama?
3. Why do America support Pakistan so much?
4. Why did recess bell ring 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5. Where is JOHN?

Turn Off That Light

There was a couple that had been married for 20 years, every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she suddenly turned on the lights.

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a "real one." She went completely ballistic.

"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain about the toy... but first you explain about the kids... "

I Never Quite Figured Out Why?

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.

She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

What Brand Of Condoms Do You Use?

A man is out shopping and discovers a New Brand of Olympic Condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

She asks: "Olympic condoms? What makes them so special?"

"There are three colours" he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze".

"What colour are you going to wear tonight?" she asks.

"Gold of course," says the man proudly.

The wife responds, "Really? Why dont you wear silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

The First Remote Control Ever Invented

An old, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweller that he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something really special for this lovely lady."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The young lady was absolutely ecstatic.

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated," By cheque. Now, I know you need to make sure the cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very pissed-off jeweller phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account!"

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

How Guys Select The Girl They Want To Marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of Strong golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.

As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Then he married the one with the largest breasts!!

Chevrolet: Robot

A frustrated driver needs to figure out how to stop his car before he can start it.