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Little Billy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Billy was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Billy's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Billy, of course, thought he did. Billy's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
Little Billy stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Billy
Billy knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Billy. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Billy
Billy knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Billy
Billy knew he could not send this letter to God either, so he wrote another letter.
LETTER 4:
Dear God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you, Billy
Billy knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. By now, Billy was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Billy's mother thought her plan had worked because Billy looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.
Billy walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Billy began to write his letter to God.
LETTER 5:
I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history.
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE!
Pic 1: It takes years of practice to do this asana.
Pic 2: It takes only 8 pegs of whiskey to do the above asana.
So why practice. Just have whiskey!
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child ?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch ?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (As he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this ?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this ?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this ?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he pumped me fast and furious..."
Priest: The priest pumps her fast and says "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER !!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "Ahh... Thats no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS !"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Not only our knowledge helps, but also the Presence of Mind and the Right Answer at Right Time.
Answers for IAS Exams : Questions by Top IAS Officers.
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! An elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)
Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"
The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said,
"It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected for IIM !
To bhaiyon yeh baat hai Akbar ke zamane ki....
Usne 9 chutiye lundoore paal rakhe the..Popularly known as his 9 ratans...!!!
Birbal aur Tansen me bada Kaampeeteesan raha karta tha...
EK din gusse me aake Tansen kehta hai ki ' Ab faisla ho hi jaye ki kaun zyada bada betichod hai...... main shart marta hoon ki main Jodha bai ke mamme choos sakta hoon'
Birbal ki has has ke gaand me dard ho gaya...Kehta hai ki 'Agar toone aisa kar diya to agle din bhari sabha me mai nangaa aaunga'...
Bas fir hona kya tha lag gayi shart...
Tansen gaya bazaar, sapere ke paas. kehata hai ki 'Bhai, mujhe ek sapola chahiye, untrained aur bina zehar ke hona chahiye'.
Sapola khareed ke Tansen usko ghar pe training dena shuru karta hai. Ek aadmi ka putla banake sapole ko kehta hai ' BETA SAPPU uske tang pe kaat' to sappu putle ke taang pe jake das leta hai...Aise hi training karte karte sappu Tansen ka ishara dekh kar taang, haath gala, ityadi ko dasna seekh jaata hai..
Jahan bhi Tansen ishara karta, Sappu waha das leta...Training karke sappu ab taiyar ho gaya Big Day ke liye...
Ab baat aisi thi ki Akbar aur Jodha bai har subah apne bageeche me sair ke liye nikalte the. Agle din subah Tansen bhi apne sappu ke saath bageeche me ja pahuncha...aur jhadiyon me chhip gaya...
Jahaanpanah aur begum ko aata dekh tansen ne sappu ko phat se nikalke zameen pe chhod diya aur ishara Jodha bai ke mammon ki taraf karke bola..
'BETA SAPPU dikha apna kamaal ja das le rani ke Mammon ko....'
Sappu phat se gaya, begum ki taang par chadh ke,mansal Jangho se gujerke chut ko par kar ke seedha ja pahunchta hai mammon ke beech vali khai me vaha se plan ke mutabik seedha left turn le ke chadh jata hai Top pe aur ek second mein saali ko das leta hai nipple pe...
Jodha chikhne lage' Are Mare randibaaj Akber kuch ker na'
Akbar to paagal ho gaya...'Arre bachao koi bachao meri begum ko saap ne das liya koi Bachoooo'
Tabhi Tansen nikla jhadiyon se, bhaag ke gaya aur bola 'Jahan panah ek Upay hai mere paas rani sahebaan ko bachaneka.
Main agar zehar choos kar bahar nikal doon to aap gussa hokar mera lund to nahi katwa denge na?? Akbar bola Madar chod jo bhi karna ho jaldi kar but meri begum ko bacha le...
Phir kya tha Tansen ne phat se Jodha bai ko pakda, uske kapde Ranjit ki tarah fade aur mamme bahar nikal kar chhosne laga....aur poore ke poore choos dale...( Aur idher-udher haath bhi maar liye harami ne)
Birbal ne ye baat suni to uski gaand se maano Rocket guzar gaya....
Man hi man sochne laga Bhen chod kal to lut gayee izzat, bhare darbaar me nang dhadang jaan padega....gaand lag gayi...
Usne khoob socha, baal khujaye (upar ke bhi neeche ke bhi) lekin no idea...Gaand jab khujayee to idea Lund ki tarah uchhal kar bahar aaya...
Agle din darbaar laga, Akbar ne sabke samne Tansen ki tareef ki aur kaha...
Agar tansen me zehar choosne ki shakti nahi hoti to Jahan panah aaj randwe hote....aur akele apne aap hilaa rahe hote....Tansen on other hand cud not wait for Birbal to make an appearance...khushi ke maare pagal ho raha tha ye soch kar ki jab Birbal bhare darbaar me nanga hokar aayega to Akbar ki gaand sharm se paani paani ho jayegi....YESSS....wo birbal ke gaand pe itne hunter maarenge ki Birbal ki 7 pushte mu se hagegi....
Tabhi darbaar me hulchul machi...sabne dekha ki Birbal nanga hokar, apna lauda haath me pakdke dudta hua aa raha hai...
Bas phir hona kya tha Akbar ki gaand gusse se LAAL ho gayi...bola 'Birbal ye kya gustakhi hai???' teri himmat kaise hui aise nange aane ki??
Birbal bola 'Haye Jahan panah mai mar gaya mujhe saap ne kaat liya ...mere laude pe..'
Akbar bola 'Tansen ja choos Birbal ka lund '
Ek baar, Akbar ke darbar mein ek randi ne mujra kiya. Woh badi hi KANTEELI NACHANIYA thi. Itni zor se naachi ke sabke tatte short ho gaye. Akbar bahut khush ho gaya. Usne randi ko kaha, 'Jamnabai, bol tujhe kya inaam chahiye meri jaan? Sona-chandi, heere-moti, jaageer.... kya chahiye, bol. Agar teri kisise dushmani ho to bhi bataa de......uski behen chod di jayegi.'
Randi bahut khush hui muh maange inaam ki baat sunke. Par woh bahut hi bhenchod kism ki aurat thi. Uske gandu dimaag mein to kuch aur hi tha. Woh Akbar se boli, 'Jahanpanah, jaan ki salaamat mile to kuch arz karoon'. Akbar waise hi uske naach pe bahut senti tha. Woh bola, 'Jo marzi maang, Jamna darling.' Randi boli, Jahanpanah, mujhe aapki raajgadhi pe tatti karni hai.'
Ek baar to Akbar ko samajh hi nahin aaya ki kya yeh randi BAWLI GAAND to nahin ho gayi? Lekin woh manaa bhi nahin kar sakta tha....promise jo kar diya tha. Usne randi ko kuch aur maangne ke liye ! kaha, par randi bhi bahut seasoned campaigner thi.... woh nahin maani. Akbar bhi bechara kya karta, usne 15 din baad ki date dedi. Usne socha ki baad mein randi pe pressure dalwa ke cancel karwa dega, par bhen ki laudi maan ke nahin deti thi.
Jab Tatti-day nazdeek aa gaya, Akbar ki gaand bahut zyaada phat gayi....usne us waqt Birbal ko yaad kiya. Usne Birbal se kaha ki ab mughal sultanat ki izzat usi ke haath mein hai. Birbal ne bhi Akbar ko promise kar diya ki chaahe use apni maa gali -gali, chudwaani pade, woh mughal sultanat ki izzat pe aanch nahin aane dega. Akbar bhi nischint ho gaya.
Finally Tatti-day aa gaya. Akbar to raat bhar so bhi nahin saka. Bhenchod ki khud ki tatti band ho gayi. Subah - subah randi ne darbaar mein grand entrance maara. Kehne lagi, 'Jahanpanah, main teen din se nahin hagi hoon... jaldi se raajgaddi pe haggi maarne ki vyawastha kijiye.' Akbar ne phatti gaand ke saath Birbal ki taraf dekha. Birbal to bhen ka lauda hasi has raha tha. Apni seat se khada hua aur bola, 'Jamnabai, tone tatti karne ki demand ki thi....so karo. Lekin agar ek boond bhi moot nikal aaya to yeh talwaar choot mein ghusa ke gaand se nikaal doonga.'
Randi ko samajh aa gayaki is baar uska paala kisi andu pandu se nahin, Birbal se pada hai. Bhosadiki chup - chaap gaand uthaye ghar chali gayi. Ek baar phir birbal the great bahen ke lode ne mughal saltanet ke gaand phatne se bacha li...
